I Wonder If I Have Achieved Anything In My Life At All

I don’t recall what triggered it, but I was flat. It was one of those tough patches in life. A time of being super introspective. In hindsight I think I had been comparing myself to bigger fish in my sea. Regularly hanging out with exceptionally talented people had taken its toll. It isn’t always good for your self esteem to be around so many freak talents. I was hurting. “Had I achieved anything in my life at all?”

An internal attack on my self-esteem had begun and I was losing. Making significantly unhealthy conclusions at every turn in the battle. In an effort to survive I grabbed a packet of post-it notes and begun what turned out to be a very dumb solution that embodied personal development idealism but only fuelled the enemy. I started writing each of my achievements on their own post-it. I knew I had done some stuff, I figured I just had to remind myself. I wasn’t going to lose this internal attack on my esteem! I knew I had done some stuff!

Each achievement was deliberately stuck on the wall in my bedroom which had the door. That way I could see them but if any one looked in to my room, they wouldn’t be able to. They wouldn’t be able to see my feeble 25 post-it notes.

I now felt a viciousness towards myself. I really had applied myself to my life, but here on the wall was what it had resulted in; about 25 post-it notes. I now had to acknowledge what I feared, I was average! On the scale of things I had achieved not much at all. Bloody Steve Jobs and Richard Branson, they had ruined it for the rest of us! I was a minnow. A ferociously miserable minnow.

A few weeks later I pulled all the post-its down in. I was over it all! The whole process was bullshit! All it did was remind me of what I now saw as my less than average life’s work.

Fast forward maybe six years and much painful introspection later, and a new world view clicked. The question I had been asking was fundamentally flawed! If ‘Life is a journey, not a destination.’Why the hell was I listing destinations? Why am I valuing destinations?! How did that happen? How stupid!

The question shouldn’t be ‘What have I achieved?’ it should be ‘What have I experienced?’ That’s a journey question! And further, what else do I want to experience into the future?

Western thinking had seduced me into ‘achievement thinking’ with all its ‘achievement’ questions.

• What grades did you get?
• When are you getting married?
• What return did you get on that investment?
• How much did your business turn over last year?
• What is the best place you ever finished in a big race?
• How many miles did you run?
• How many investment properties do you have?

My wall of post-it notes was a bloody resume! And resumes are just one long list of destinations!

If life is a journey, then the questions we ask ourselves and those we love, must reflect valuing the journey.

• Are you experiencing love in your relationships?
• What risks have you taken?
• What did you learn about yourself last year?
• What are you so grateful to have experienced?
• What moments have shaped you?
• Which of your experiences have seemed like they could be in a movie?
• What challenged you?
• Have you been brave lately?

These questions change the whole game! Sh*t, if winning is about experiences, I can list experiences forever! I can win that game. I would need a whole box of post-it notes to list all I have experienced and more than just one wall to stick them on! We all would.

My whole world view shifted. I could now see all I had experience and in doing so I discover that I really have lived. A lot. We all had.

As this new line of thought took hold, ‘achievement’ became an almost irrelevant detail to me. I was no longer in competition with others. No longer comparing resumes. No longer feeling inferior. No longer measuring myself by productivity. I had found a fulfilling way to measure myself. A way that stretched me and rewarded me. My measure was ‘experiences’ and the byproduct of that was permission to experience the amazing spectrum of activity I had previously felt guilty about. It changed what I allocate time to. It became ok to:

• Spend a whole day reading a book
• Laying on a blanket in the park for an afternoon on a weekday
• Traveling for months
• Spending money on hobbies
• Not cleaning the house until inspired
• Eating something naughty
• Exploring a fantasy
• Trying anything new
• Doing something once.

Likewise, the things I previously saw as my life’s disasters were no longer disasters. Like a bad smell drifting by, it wasn’t a failure but just something I happened to experience on the journey.

• Break ups
• Debt
• Hurting someone
• Rejection
• A business blunder
• Missing the shot which could have won the game
• Arguments.

The game of life is not measured by what you achieve or fail to achieve. The game is about what you experience.

Fast forward two years and a good friend calls me. “Mate, I have a series of maybe 100 functions next year I would love you to MC. I know you avoid MC-ing but this audience would love you, the product needs someone with your background to endorse it and honestly, you would get epic exposure and so much work you will be run off your feet!”

“Thanks mate.” I replied “But who on earth wants to be run off their feet?” He laughed. He knew me, I was thinking about the experience, not the achievement. My new way of thinking had soaked in.

Now, fast forward to last night on a late night plane home. I struck up a conversation with the stranger next to me. He explained he had just sold his business. He was tired and exhausted. He explained there were a few more details to go, then he would have a lot of time free. “Mind you” he said “I have no idea what I will do next. Building and selling this business had always been my goal.”

“Actually” I replied, “I think the real question to ask as you look to the future isn’t “What to do next?” It is “What do you want to experience?”.

“Wow” he whispered to himself as his tired eyes opened with surprise. “That’s a way better question!”

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